Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in da_ren_tzu's LiveJournal:

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Friday, July 20th, 2007
3:25 am	My harry Potter predictions SO much hype about it, let's see how right I am. (especially seeing I have yet to read any of the books lol) Voldemort kills Snape who was acting under Dumbledore's orders from book 6. Harry dies, by own hand. He is the 6th and final horcrux. this allows Neville to kill Voldemort. :-) Lets see if I'm right wrong or what. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, June 24th, 2007
6:15 am	An observation 2 rats + bowl of spegetti = hilarity (Comment on this)
Saturday, June 23rd, 2007
5:25 am	OI gevalt I'm getting back inot magic and D&D..collecting mostly but still. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 7th, 2007
2:10 am	Ever have a wondering feeling? Been thinking some... oh yeah I know I seldom post. It comes and it goes. Things have been good lately. I havenlt brooded about the ex in weeks, I have an amzingly kick ass new job. And Michael's coming up to visit in August. SO what have I been thinking about? My past and relationships. I've pretty much only ever had 5 guys that really really caught my eye. So I'm trying to peace it together and figure out why. The first was AJM. Emo punk artist type. But shallow. Oh so shallow. And despertaely trying to hide it. And even worse he can't be himself. He's been what others want him to be so long he can't be what he is. He's a typical gay guy. he has dirty thoughts and emotions but he wonlt show them. For some reason he could show them with me. He was actually himself around me and not some facade. That scared him. So he told me he wanted me out of his life because he couldn't handle the way he acted around me. He made it clear it wasnlt what I did or acted towards him, but his inability to deal with how he truely was. The second was MJS. Sigh... what a mistake. I fell for a cute fucked up drug addled depression ridden fag. Noting good came out and I left that relationship with a broken heart, a migraine, and minus 3500 dollars. Odd thing is, not a truely bad kid. He's been in parasitic relationships and he doesnlt know how to stand up to himself. he uses his apathy and depression to stay in miserable conditions. Heh, he says he hates me and would never talk to me again, but I gurantee if I ran into him on the street, he'd be talking to me and wanting to hang out. Next up was TS. Hyperactive old TS. Again nice guy... couldn't keep still. He was a weird one. He liked me, thought I was decent looking, we always fooled around (only thing we didn't do was actually fuck, and me not being keen on anal, wasn't a surprise) We hung out lots, I expressed interest he expressed interest then out of nowhere went out with someone else. While he was gooing out with this other person, we still fucked around (went the farthest at that time period actually, but they were in an open relationship so it was moot) Basically a case of "why not me? everything else seemed to be going good" When I asked him about it he honestly didn't know and almsot made it seem like I just didnlt ask him the right way at the right time and the other fellow did. Then comes ADF. Wow. Well lets just say when someone says they never break a vow.... I'll think twice before accepting. Not much to say. Shallow, petty, stupid and cowardly. Says he's deep and meaningful, but I've seen deeper rainpuddles and more meaningful pieces of dog shit. I'm bound by a stupid oath I can't break, but can transfer to someone else if they truely want it. Thankfuly from what i understand ADF has found a new guy, who's gothy and twinky and loving and into all the stuff he's into and totally adores him. I hope thats true. Then I'll never get called on my oath. If I have to have it, rather it be one that wil never get called on. here's to hoping for a 75 year prosperous, meaningly and loving relation being ADF and NH. Live long and prosper and leave me be. Finally there the guy I like now. I won't say love. I don't love him. I like him lots. I'd love to live with him and be with him, but I don't even think I want to be a b/f to him cause it wouldnlt work at this time. I don't think I'm capable anymore of loving anyone. I honestly thought about it and don't want a b/f. I want a permenent roomate to plan out life with. I'd love to do everything up to sleeping and cuddling and all that but sex can just go away. Let him shag others for all I care. Let him want to have sex with me. All the same. I just want someone to come home too, hang out with, plan things with, build a relationship with but with none of the expectations or burdens of actually going out. Thats what i was supposed to do with ADF before he pulled his trick. but most people can't handle that I guess. They'd want the sexual aspect. And while everyone (well almost...)says they can handle open relationships, they lie. Lie horribly. They can't. They either get jealous of you shagging around (hey your supposed to be loyal to me... if your horny go jerk off or get your sexual fullfillment via looking at me or maybe the cuddle once in awhile) or they've go shag someone, fall in love and leave ya (it' snot you, your great but I want a stable relation with sex.... your just a stable relationship with the occasional cuddle... I just need more) So.... looking at that, i think I need to join a monestary, become a eunuch or just give up. Between my guardian angel complex, my sucker for trying to help those in need and weakness for a pretty face and oddballs and my lack of amazing "what gay guys want" looks, I'm doomed to being single, with the odd hookup or what have you... and I gurantee the other idea would never work :-p Heh... so I dunno... made for a long winded post, dunno if it solved anything or what... just nice tio get it all out of my mind. Oh well. Life goes on. Current Mood: calm Current Music: None, just the crappy little fan on the floor (Comment on this)
Sunday, March 4th, 2007
12:30 am	OK it's official, Alberta should be carpet bombed off the planet... Yeah, You heard me. Alberta should be wiped out. That place is fucking scarey... been reading over some of the laws they have there... Rats, seems like they are illegal. SO no pet rats. No transporting rats through ALberta. So if I move back to NF per say and want to take the rats with me I have to hope that they don't have a stopover in Calgary/Edmonton cause if they do, it's a big possibility that some fat red-neck Alberta cop would take them and destroy them immeadiately. Wow and I gurantee I'd be set for life them cause I'd make sure to sue every fucking peron, agency and department involved in that. They also seem to have a few more big brother type laws in place. Like doctor and vets have to report things to authorities imemadiately. (again with the rats there) ditto for clergy. So if I tell my local minister I have a pet rat, they have to go "rat" me out... bizarre... Man, combine that with their elistist right wing Christian, seperatist BS they constantly spew and Alberta is definately one place I will NEVER move to or live in. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 28th, 2007
3:45 am	You know I'm sure this song has some deep ass meaning for me... what is the sig I need to find? The Sign Shock! I got a new life, You would hardly recognize me. I’m so glad, How can a person like me care for you? Why do I bother? When you’re not the one for me, Is enough enough? I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes. I saw the sign. Life is demanding without understanding. I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes. I saw the sign. No one’s gonna drag you up, To get into the light where you belong. But where do you belong? Under the pale moon. For so many years I’ve wondered, Who you are? How can a person like you bring me joy? Under the pale moon, Where I see a lot of stars. Is enough enough? I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes. I saw the sign. Life is demanding without understanding. I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes. I saw the sign. No one’s gonna drag you up, To get into the light where you belong. But where do you belong? I saw the sign and it opened up my mind, And I am happy now, Living without you. I’ve left you all alone. I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes. I saw the sign. No one’s gonna drag you up, To get into the light where you belong. I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes. I saw the sign. Woulda though Ace of Base would mayhaps have some meaning? Current Mood: confused Current Music: The Sign -- In my own head (Comment on this)
3:17 am	Contradictions This isn't awhine post more as a trying to figure stuff out post. Maybe writing it down will help and the few people who can read it may have ideas or notice things I'm missing. Ok, starting off... I want a relation but the thought of it makes me sick... I get lonely at times and others just want to be left alone. I miss Adam, I want to kill him. - Like what the heck is up with that? Weirdly the Adam part is the easiest. Loves arent something you just drop and when they extremely personal topped with betrayal, even harder. - So do I or don't I want someone? MS back home says I should just go out an get laid. Heh, how? It's not that easy, well never had been for me. I hate going to clubs, don't know anyone really. Back home I had 3 people I could get intimate with and that was plenty. So is this just the need of a fuckbuddy? **shrug** - On this vein. If I do want someone do I change things for it? I have long hair and a beard. So I get a shave and a haircut? Do I go blow a fortune of new and stylish clothes? Do I have a clue what new and stylish clothes are? Hell now, I dress frumpier than an elderly nun. What hairstyle/facial hair should I have? Should I go a style? (aka goth, prep, etc etc) OK next is work. I'm oddly discomfortable where I am. - Do I get a new job? Like what would it be? All my training is security based, my degrees are well nigh useless and my university marks aren't the best. - I think I'd like to teach. But what would I teach? Maybe go back to university get a good degree and masters/PhD and teach at uni? I don't think I'd want to teach high school but I know I';d hate junior/elementary/primary. Special Education is out. Overseas? I had the chance but didn't wanna go. Worried I'd malfucntion due to complete boredom/lonliness/cultural issues. - How would I do school now? Loans at 28-30? They possible? WOuld I try and upgrade my current degree or would it be easoier to redo it? I fucked up horribly in school.I have a 60ish average, never once did I study, did all my essays the night or two before they were do and still popped a 60ish average.... christ, if I actually did work I'd probably easily have an 80%+ average... - Do I stay where I am and just try and enjoy the simple life? It's pays ok, 10/hour. No benefits but I work at a site I want to, easy as hell, no stress, management loves me. I have net access at work, just walk around a bit every 30 minutes to an hour depending on how energetic I am. I could bring a CD/DVD player for even more ease. (Like Jason at the dump where he watches movies all shift) - Part of me wants simplicity, but I sometimes want more. Next up ties in into the first, self image, I don't hate myelf, but I'm damn wel not happy. I blew at least 4 chances with guys I liked cause of how I looked. Mostly my weight. I have no idea how to loose 50ish pounds. I know they say exercise and diet... but what? What exactly would I eat to help? Do I eat more pasta? less pasta, what fruits and veggies, how about sushi? are all those rolls and nigiri good? - buying food or eat out? How much money do I send a month on food? - I'm fairly sedentary, how can I up my physical routine? - Again with the clothes and the hair - Piercings/tattoo? - I half want to even change my frikken name to something else... Hmm that was smaller than I thoguth it would be.... moving right along WoW... - I like the game, a lot, but I find I'm "bored" or maybe disillusioned with it. I make and toss out charecters, change guilds and servers dunno what class/race/server I wanna be on. Should I make it more social and join an RPG server, more fast paced and join a PvP server? take a class to allow me to "solo" moreso than group? Take a class that requires grouping? - other activites... like the SCA or something, no idea whats out there. I wanna do D&D but no one to pay, D's doing ItB mostly. Games night? Don't want to deal with T&M or Ange the bitch-queen of the realm of Delusionopia - the roomies? I have no idea what do socially do with Jesse or Paula or Matty. Aaron leaves her room less than I do and thats saying something. :-p. - and I'm a hermit to half the time. That doesn't help much. ugh... all these things seems to just contradict each other. Seems like I have way to much thinking to do :-p Current Mood: confused Current Music: nada (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, February 26th, 2007
10:16 pm	How fitting Your results: You are Dr. Doom Dr. Doom 69% Dark Phoenix 67% Apocalypse 66% Magneto 64% Mr. Freeze 56% Lex Luthor 51% Juggernaut 50% Two-Face 50% The Joker 49% Catwoman 47% Kingpin 44% Venom 44% Poison Ivy 44% Mystique 42% Green Goblin 38% Riddler 29% Blessed with smarts and power but burdened by vanity. Click here to take the "Which Super Villain are you?" quiz... (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 22nd, 2007
12:39 am	One year older So my birthday was yesterday... spent the entire day sleeping. Happy birthday indeed. Whatever... Current Mood: indescribable (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, February 2nd, 2007
12:04 am	2 songs.. Well... this song is to Adam and Anthony... the song may refer to people like Paris Hilton or Brittany Spears, but hey, just because your nobodies doesn't mean it can't apply. Superficiality can be a trait of kings or beggers. So this song's for you. What's the problem with the human race? With someone like you? No matter where I turn I can't escape your double face. Don't want to listen to the radio, Cause they don't know. Or stick around just to hear I told you so... I couldn't make it without you, I should have known better to doubt you, I thought I'd heard the end of it. And now I know how far you'd go, To be the next freak show, American psycho. Cover of the magazines, Patron saint to troubled teens, Wish I never heard your name. Tomorrow could be just another day, Means nothing to you A misdemeanor or a felony, But that's okay. Don't want to wait for a second chance, So take a stance, It's your turn for the spotlight, the big dance... How could we make it without you? I should have known better to doubt you, I thought I'd heard the end of it. And now I know how far you'd go, To be the next freak show, American psycho. Cover of the magazines, Patron saint to troubled teens, Wish I never heard your name. What am I suppose to do, When you know that it's all true, that you stole, that you lied, that you know... Primadonna, Self absorbed, Wide awake and never bored. Party, binge and purge and see, Results of plastic surgery. Spotted at the hottest shows, Interview on Charlie Rose, They all want a piece of you... And now I know how far you'd go, To be the next freak show, American psycho. Cover of the magazines, Patron saint to troubled teens, Wish I never heard your name. Now, with all these people deciding my best just ins't good enough that I'm too fat to be loved and the fact I actually can care about someone means as much as a piece of dog shit, this song, by Simon and Garfunkel, sums up how I feel... A winters day, In a deep and dark December. I am old. Gazing from my window, to the street below. On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow. I am a rock, I am an island. I build walls, A fortress deep and mighty. That none may penetrate. I have no need of friendship, friendship causes pain. It's laughter and it's loving I disdain. I am a rock, I am an island. Don't talk of love, For I've heard the word before. It's sleeping in my memories. I wonlt disturb the slumber of feeling that have died, If I never loved I never would have cried. I am a rock, I am an island. I have my books, And my poetry to protect me. I am shielded in my armor. Hiding in my room, safe within my tomb, I touch no one and no one touches me. I am a rock, I am an island. And a rock feels no pain, And an island never cries... So yeah... 2 songs... 2 sets of emotions (or lack thereof) Current Mood: sad Current Music: none (Comment on this)
Monday, January 29th, 2007
1:15 am	Truely an odd feeling Still holding my calm, the waters got rough around my little island home, but they quickly calmed, methinks there be a squall coming soon so I'll have to batten down the hatches and ride it out... that sounded way more nautical than I intended... oh well. Current Mood: calm Current Music: none (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 24th, 2007
11:50 pm	A strange dream I had the weirdest dream. Weird for it's content and that I remember it. I stared off with me and my father flying over the ocean, seemingly not in anything. Somehow my father gave me a big lecture on the geo-political status of various small islands in the ocean. So somehow we ended up on some little island that we both knew was going to sink or something and shore was in sight but we had to swim to it. Now, for some reason a pregnent fox was on the island and I felt I had to save it. My father had already swum to shore and was yelling at me. So eventually, after some weird inner discussion I abandoned the fox and began to swim. The fox jumped after me and I ended up putting it on my head to prevent it from drowning. I eventually got to shore where me and my father celebrated and went out to get ice cream while leaving the fox behind. Now... I have some inklings of what that might mean... but it was fucking weird. Current Mood: calm Current Music: nada (Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 23rd, 2007
9:57 am	Hmmm, well now I feel better Ironic yes? After a duo of dastardly ramblings that had various angel and saint cringing in Heaven and Old Scratch laughing down below, I feel better. I think I just needed to get all that venom out of me, and release all the negative emotions I've been simmering. Basicalyl telling off both Adam and T&M, even if only to 7 people was very thankful. I know T&M know about it, Adam probably knows, and quite frankly, I don't give a damn. SO I have a 11 day vacation coming up. So between WoW and cleaning the house, should be productive. SO to the roomies... prepare for a hurricane blowing through and keep an eye out for stuff that maybe getting tossed. I take no prisoners and feel no pity. Here's your warning, Tell Jesse and well, consider yourselves fairly warned :-) But hey, then we'll have a nice clean (but empty upstair, god we need furniture) house. My rats seem to be extremely happy, and getting fat... Is anyone sneaking into my room ansd giving them extra treats? If so, continue, if not, why the hell arenlt you giving my ratties extra treats you selfish rat-bastards? ;-) Anyways thats it for now. Current Mood: calm Current Music: Werewolves of London -- Warren Zevon (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, January 21st, 2007
12:59 am	rant and I feel better I said it was time for a rant, and well, here it is... Now the question is where to start. God there's so much pissing me off lately... I guess the best place to to deal eith the issue of my two ex-roomates. I can say I no longer hate them. The reasons I had were invalid, as Damien went and figured out. However, I still don't like them. I would just now throw a bucket of water on them if they were on fire. Now why don;t I appreciate them? 1) Treatment of roomates. Guilt trips,They used them on me and Aaron mostly. And you can say that they didn't but whenever anyone comes to me with a sob story about how I have to dredge up almost 1000.00 at the drop of a hat because they need the money now (nevermind that I'm not financially stable) and then throw the fact "I'm not working" into my face... yeah that's a guilt trip. making someone feel bad because of bad circumstances your in is a guilt trip. Over mothering. Aarons 22 years old, if she wants to rot away in her room thats her right. I'm not ging to ban her from having her computer in her room because I donlt want it. Her right. She pays equal rent so long as she continues to pay her rent and not cause trouble, que serra, serra. The treatment of Megara was another thing. Michelle hated Megara so everyone had too? Funny, me, the anti-social prick got along with Megara, and when T&M left so did Aaron... weird eh? Yesh I heard all the shit they said about Megara and how they did everything to make her uncomfortable... you know when you piss off Matty... you've done something wrong. Last thing was that double team they do... everytime something happened it had to be both of them. Michelle would come in with all her emotional BS an when you got sick of it, in came Tony to save the day with his twisted logic, but you were so glad it wasnlt Michelle's BS you went with it. How many times did Michelle start something with me and when I got rude ot her she'd run and get Tony and I;d have to deal with both of them. Hardly fair there, and I know they did it to Aaron and matty as well. 2) Money. Yes I owe them 100 back rent for September, and yes I will even admit to the 115.25 I figured out my 11 days in May would have equalled out too. However I do not owe for all of May. The rent for May was due May 1st. SO me being there wouldnlt have mattered. The main arguements I recall having (if you want to call them arguments) was trying to figure out how much to pay if both me and Adam, who was supposed to come up with me, would together pay. Now I also now me well enough to know I would never agreed to pay for all of May if I was only going to be there for 11 days of it. I may have agreed to pay for that, and would have evenb agreed to pay for me and Adam both for what we were there but never for all of it... now that being said, when this convo came up the first time, I balked at all of May and they went away, talked a bit and when they came back they said if was a problem to just forget it. I aid I did owe for what I owed and would pay that when I could. Now the next money issue I had was paying my 325 in December plus 1/2 of their combined rent. Now on Dec 4th I withdrew 340 for the bank in cash... that was decembers rent. on Dec 18th I withdrew 300. Get back to that... on Demcember 30th I took out 280 for the January rent. Now, back to that middle 300. The only reason i take out large sums of money is to pay rent. Otherwise I use my debit. T&M made a big todo about having to pay Damien rent and that I owed them and had to cover them cause they were leaving halfway through... now... I did. So that 300 cancelled out the Sept debt and the partial May debt seeing I had NO obligation to cover them for December. If they dare try and claim I still owe for Dec, or that 300 on the 18th was my december rent I officially call fucking bullshit. I paid my Decmeber rent on the 4th. My bank statement attests to that. The 18th payment was 1/2 of T&M's rent (or hell if they want to claim they paid all of their rent, that was the entirety of what I owed them anyways and we're even still. 3) Other things. I do not recycle, don't force your views on me. If I say the work nigger, I have a reason too and I gurantee it's not because I'm a rascist. If I was, I'd go out, beat the hell out of a black person while using the term. If I call someone a nigger, it's because as Chris Rock said. "I like black people, I hate niggers" same as "I like gay people, I hate faggots" If your too uncomfortable because I said a word, grow the fuck up and shut the fuck up. The only reason those words have any power is because people give it to them. Political correctness is one of the biggest evils in modern day times, and I hate it with a passion. 3) Lastly Michelle... I'm keeping this short sweet and blunt. Grow up and get a job. No one cares you have depression and a bad past. Guess what, most of us do. I have clinical depression, anger issues and avoident/anti-social personality disorders. My father beat the fucking shit out of me. My mother routinely calls me useless and worthless. The one person I ever truely loved, lied to me for months, and when he found someone else, didn't have the balls to tell me, just stopped talking to me and then started claiming I was the bad guy. I'm still single, broke, and the only thing I have are 2 rats and a fucking video game. Yet somehow I got 1, almost 2 degrees and a full time job... so no pity for you. There, that's why I dislike Michelle and Tony Stroppa. Sorry Damien, but I have no interest in hanging out with them. It would just get ugly sooner or later. Now that being said, moving on. Work... I work with EN guard security. not a bad job I guess. I get fucked over on sites a lot cause of dumb managers, and the pay/benifits blow... but I stop and wonder do I want to get something else? I hate maunal labour, so that rules out construction, I hate people which really rules out retail/service, so whats really left? Management I guess, or some boring job in a archive where I can play with files. Anyone know where to get a job like that? Now, my personal life. I'm single. Ihate it. yet right now I hate people... Adam fucked me up and over majorly. He's not the only one bt he was the one that really hurt. SO I'm here in wonderful fag friendly vancouver... it's the exact same back home... just more shallow young assholes, more dirty olf men and the ethnic jerks. Those at least are new, but equally as annoying as the only two. SO what to do? I'm stumped. DO I change myself to try and attract someone? But then that doesnlt do any good cause it's not me. Do nothing, then I stay single... I have no idea where to go, or what to do. plus the fact I work every weekend and overnights isnlt helping at all. SO yeah... and I've meet some guys here, they either shallow or really fuxking creepy, mostly shallow, only 3 creeps and they easy to deal with.. sigh so I'm stuck which leads to friends...ummm.... I think in Vancouver I have 4... Damien, Lana, aaron and maybe Bonnie but i haven't talked to her in awhile. Matty, Jesse and paula are roomates. I like them but I honestly canlt say we friends yet. Maybe that will change but I'm not going to pretend that we're bestest buds... I hardly talk to people back home, Micheal, Admar and Jason come to immeadiate mind. But they can get ahold of me canlt they? Emails? I try, but Micheal works, has dave and WoW, Admar have Abbyshot and Jasons hard to pin down anyways... people like Josh and Todd? I never hear from them. Sigh. I never ever had a lot of friends, and I do not make them easy. It's hard when you take a huge gamble and well... it fails. I left all my friends behind, have no clue how to make new ones here, and pretty much lost track of most of the ones I had. Some my fault, some not my fault. NOw yes this is a big self pity rant at points but well I need ot say it. and yes i know a lot of the responsibilityis mine. I'm a selfish, mean spiriting hypocritical prick. I'm anti-social, hate people (misanthrope) and am hard to dealwith. I'm picky, rude, crude, blunt and stuborn. Hey I know whats wrong with me. But as i said, not all my fault and somelof the worst things arenlt my fault, lik Adam. Thanks. I gave you everything I could and more besides and you couldnlt even get the balls to tell me about Steven Sullivan the little twink in Grands Falls... and the guy who dumped you for being too weird and fucked up, and not to mention bad in bed... maybe I'm bitter, but man, Adam Piercey, Matty Carrivan, Steven Sullivan... you seeing a pattern? Stop dating the shallow little twinks cause they young and cute. They fuck you over every time... and now I canlt even do anytihg cause I'm in vancouver and you wonlt even talk to me for whatever fucking reason. Hopefully you can rely on terry kapangi (or however he spells it) He's young, cute and adores you. Even if he is a shallow stupid git. Guess like to so many others, no matter what I did, what I gave it just wasn;t enough... and people wonder why I'm fucking bitter... You open you heart and soul to someone and they shit on it, makes Matt a bad boy. Just once, once I'd like to have someone do something for me not because they feel they have too or because they want someothing I can give back, but because they want too. It hasnlt happened yet romantically, and really from only 3-4 friendwise... so yeah... To those of you who matter **hug** to the rest of you fuck off and die /end rant Current Mood: apathetic Current Music: none (12 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, January 20th, 2007
5:58 am	Quick update big rant to come soon I hate 99.9% of humanity. To those 99.9% go home, slash your wrists, drink a litre of blech and die a horrible painful torturous death, but make sure you tape it so I can collect those 6.whatever billion death tapes and jerk off to the collective destruction of the whole goddamed human race. To the other 0.01% carry on, your doing fine. Big rant coming when I get around to it. Kit, you have a special place in hell and I personally hope to see the day you go there so I can visit your grave, place on it that little memento of you and then proceed to piss on your memory... and I will do it, that I promise you... and you, you of all people know I never... never break a promise... see you in hell Kit... Current Mood: moody Current Music: silence (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, December 11th, 2006
12:36 pm	el-jay drama! has anyone even noticed that michelle deleted her LJ? does anyone even care? oh noez! we're too wrapped up in our own D R A M A ! to give a shit about anyone other than our own selfish selves! selfish people really piss me off Quote Ange... My reply I don't fucking care. Michelle is a goddamn grown woman and she doesn't need every fucking person she knows to baby her 24-7. It's not out place on this planet to be her watchdog and nanny and crying blanket. I'm sick of having to listen to shit about other people and then be told how rotten I am because I dont care. Fuck other people. They mostly fucking useless anyways. So how about a bible quote. Remove the log from your own eye before you attempt to remove the soec in mine. Hypocrites, enablers and synchophnats fucking piss me off (Comment on this)
Saturday, December 2nd, 2006
5:00 am	This and that... Well been awhile since I posted... I hate being single but it seems that it's for the best. It's one of those things I don;t really get, but I'm sure someday it'll figure it out. I mean I'm caring, loving, have a job, educated, don't smoke/drink/drugs/gamble/fuck anything that hoves into my field of vision, I'm not even all thyat bad looking if I bother to shave and trim my hair and all that, I know how to give massages, know more tantric stuff than I should know about and even have a large... well you know ;-) **shrug** It rather mystifies me. And of course I have enough girls hitting on me to have me married 10 times over >_< fat lot f good that does. SO what is itr, do I set my sights to high? Maybe I do like young twinky guys, but my only serious relationship with someone (Adam) well Adam wasn't a small twinky guy, he was rather pudgy truth be told. But to me most beautiful thing in existence... so it's not like I'm locked into a certain type that I can only go for like a lot of people I know tend to do. Is it because I donlt go DT and get plastered at Celebrities or the Odyssey or whatever place gay guys go too? Just not my thing. My playing WoW? Well when I have someone I tend to ignore WoW. My anti-sopcial behavior? maybe but I think I can control that well enough to be nice to someone and people keep telling me I can have a really attractive personality when I want too. Money's another bitch... I have to take over the lease and the HoC now when T&M move out... so looks like I have to pay my share + 1/2 of their share for december. Jesse should be moving in sometime between them getting out and Jan 1st. Dammit and work's being a pain in thr ass too with trying to remove me off a good site for no good reaosn and trying to stick me in North Vancouver for less hours but about 2 hours more transit time a day. Fuck that! Told em to get me what I want or here's my two weeks notice thank you very muchly. already have 2 companies offering me work, and I haven't even called back any of the like 4 other companies I turned down to work at my current job. Howver on the more positive side, with T&M gone and Jesse and Paula moving in I'll have some things to occupy my time. (and no damien and lana that doesnlt include the insides of Jesse's pants :-p well unles he wants it LOL)so hopefully that will help take my mind off the other lagging things. and be a good chance to clear out some household things and have some peace reign there. getting better eating habits, and managing to keep things tidy. so little things. As Dominic DeNucci said. "You takea de letters and makea de smalla words, den you takea the smaller words and makea bigga words like da university boys makea" One step at time. Current Mood: blah Current Music: none (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 12th, 2006
5:43 am	realization Hmmm, seems to me that the only reason i want something is because I donlt have it... I know that seems pretty damn ovious but the next question that statement leads to is whats the kicker for me Assume I get what i want now... will I then be miraculously happy with the world or will i want more stuff, new stuff, other stuff... like right now I have a short list of major things I want 1)Financial stability 2)homelife stability/stable housing 3)get my weight under control 4)fix some self image issues I have 5)get a b/f that doesn't like to decorate my shoulderblades with daggars Thats it 5 things, there are smaller things but they donlt matter much in the grand scheme of life, I needa bathrobe for instance... let us play pretend... I get those 5 things... then what? the dao in me is saying to fuck all 5 and go on... but seeing I'm not a daoist grandmaster just can't do that... So needless to say that train of thought has got me thinking... So in typical Matthew style, I decide tyo go off and change something totally unrelated yet related and see if that helps.. time to revamp my eating habits again... new plan for my diet whoich seems to be a good idea.. so we'll see. jrebhgeuyt54tyolusegho875tyg7snf8yp5w93nqt Now whoever finds the hidden massage in that gets a reward :-) Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: none (Comment on this)
Saturday, November 11th, 2006
1:31 am	dis an dat I have an incredible urge to write a post like Buddy Wasisname... I'll surpress that urge if it kills me. well the opthamologist told me to wear the frikken eyepatch 24-7.... so I'm wearing it now... feels weird... and I keep seeing swirling patterns on the back of it... Having the internet at work rocks. goddam people messing up my home life, why am I cursed with not having a stable house? everyplace I've moved too in the past 5 years has exploded. Some my fault, other not my fault... but fuck it's getting old real quick. ok the swirling patterns behind my eyepatch are turning into letters... thats fucking trippy... anyways... nothing against the old scraghag but I'm massively annoyed that it happened period... Fundamentalists still piss me off something fierce... shallow gay guys do too... I feel like a bad guy from a James Bond movie >_ Current Mood: cynical Current Music: none (Comment on this)
Friday, November 10th, 2006
8:42 am	ever have that feeling That something is going to go horribly wrong and you don't have not figured out what it's going to be? Current Mood: nervous (5 Comments |Comment on this)